The Random Stories of Randomness
by Kyniska
Summary: Uh yeah. Just random stupid stories about Warriors. Is FIrestar obsessed with gambling? Is Hollykit having an affair with a kittypet? Rated for slight sexuality but nothing really inapropriate. CHAPTER THREE'S UP!
1. Chapter 1

**My first random fic, so yeah. R&R. **

**Chapter one: Frying and Casinos**

Firestar was walking in the woods one day when he saw Graystripe and Cinerpelt bending over an anthill with a magnifying glass.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked.

"Frying ants for dinner!" Graystripe answered. "Sandstorm got tired of mice and she said she wanted ants instead." Cinderpelt didn't look up. There was a sizzling noise and Cinderpelt dropped the magnifying glass and yelled "Bag!" Graystripe zoomed over to the other side of the clearing and grabbed a Hechts bag that Cloudtail had brought back from his last shopping spree. He handed it to Cinderpelt. She dropped an ant in it.

"Another one for the fresh-ant pile!" she mowed happily.

"I wanna help?" yowled Firestar, and Cinderpelt handed him the magnifying glass. He had fried a couple ants when Brightheart came rushing into the clearing.

"Firestar!" She yowled. "Some weirdo Twoleg surgeons have come to do plastic surgery on me so I look like a supermodel!" Then she dashed away. A moment later, the "Mexican Hat Dance" started sounding in everyone's ears. Firestar grabbed his Slvr out of his fanny-pack and held it to his ear.

"Uh huh." He said. "Uh-huh. UH-huh. UH-HUH!" He slammed the phone down and took off at a wild run towards the Thunderpath. Graystripe and Cinderpelt didn't notice. They were too busy trying to fry the Queen Bee because Graystripe wanted to taste stinger. When he tasted it he got a tongue piercing.

When Firestar arrived at the Thunderpath he saw Mousefur, Longtail, and Dustpelt directing some Twolegs who were digging up the Thunderpath.

"What's going on?" Firestar asked. Birchkit appeared out of no-where and he meowed to Firestar: " We found out that the Thunderpath is on Indian Territory and we're building a casino!"

"Yipeeeeeeee!" Yowled Firestar.

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A few weeks later, Dustpelt realized that Hollykit was missing and he went out to look for her with Sherlock Moles, the private investigator. He found Hollykit on the border of Twolegplace having a conversation with a kittypet. It took Dustpelt only a minute to realize that this was the dreaded "Hi" conversation.

"Hi." Meowed Hollykit shyly.

"Hi." The kittypet replied.

"Well, Hi." Hollykit answered.

"Hi." The kittypet meowed again. Dustpelt hurled himself forward and thrust his teeth in the young toms face.

"If you ever say "Hi" to my daughter again…" He hissed threateningly.

"Daddy, stop!" Hollykit meowed in distress for her forbidden love. Dustpelt whirled around to glare at her.

"You're much to young for that." He meowed. Then he sighed. "Hollykit." He meowed. "It's time I had a talk with you. About toms and-and mating."

Hollykit came back a little later, horrified at what her father had told her. She slapped the tom in the face and then stalked away.

"Good girl." her father meowed.

**That is the first chapter of my wonderfully random fic. It might suck so please tell me. Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay ya'll! Here's chapter two of the Random Stories of Randomness. I hope you like. I'm not going to put names on the chapters anymore. Sorry. Bye!**

Chapter Two

Sandstorm was in the warrior's den when she suddenly had a craving for more ants. She ran screaming out of the warrior's den. She sprinted to the fresh ant pile but there was nothing left. She saw Cinderpelt with the last ant and she rushed over and flung herself in her face.

"My ant!" she yowled and she grabbed it out of Cinderpelt's claws. When Firestar passed by she hissed and flattened her ears. When the remains were gone she growled to Cinderpelt, "Go find more ants. Me hungry. Must eat. Want ants." Cinderpelt hurried off.

Graystripe walked by waving his tongue around and Sandstorm saw a silver ball stuck to his tongue.

" 'Ike my 'irinng?" He asked with a lisp.

"G-ross." Sandstorm retched. Graystripe walked away feeling very insulted.

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Graystripe went down to Fourtrees. He saw a she-cat sitting down swishing her tail. He recognized it as the WindClan she-cat Whitetail. He sat down beside her.

"Waiting for your illegal mate too huh?" he asked. Whitetail nodded.

"Ya know." She meowed shyly. "That piercing looks pretty hip." She gave a little smile. Graystripe smiled back. Suddenly, without a word, both of them went into the bushes lining one of the oaks. Pretty soon, Silverstream arrived. Graystripe scrambled out of the bushes with Whitetail hanging onto his tail.

"This isn't what it looks like Silverstream…" he lied.

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Firestar went down to the Thunderpath to cut the ribbon for the opening of the casino. He stepped forward with the grooming shears and began to speak loudly so the kits in the back- who had sneaked out to come to the opening even though their parents had left fun baby-sitters for them- could hear him.

"By the powers of StarClan and all that blah blah blah I now open this casino to the public!" He cut the blue ribbon (they didn't have any red) and the cats began to pour in. Firestar was pushed in by the crowd and as soon as he did his eyes popped open. The lights, the action, the little black and red chips shaped like different pieces of fresh-kill! Firestar took one look and he knew he was home.

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Hollykit sneaked through the forest, looking behind her every few seconds o be sure she wasn't being followed. She arrived at Twolegplace quickly and a black tom sneaked out from behind one of the fences. She smiled.

"Well he-llo here handsome." She meowed. "Now where were we…"

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**Okay, that's chapter two. Please review (hee-hee, I'm Dr. Seuss.). Hope you liked it. Bye! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry about the long wait. Boy, you guys are impatient! You must really like this story! Here we go: Chapter Three! Hope you like it! R&R. NOW!**

**Disclaimer: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't own Warriors. And I copied this too.**

"Graystripe," Sandstorm meowed while munching on an ant. "Do you know where Firestar is? He said he would go and fry some more ants for me today but he isn't back from the casino opening yet." Graystripe furrowed his brow.

"I don't know." He glanced at his watch. "I've gotta go. Bye!" He dashed away toward WindClan territory. Sandstorm shook her head and finished her ant. It was the last one. She spotted Dustpelt passing by with two ants clutched in his mouth for Ferncloud. She crouched down and got ready to pounce…

And where was Firestar in all of this? He was at the casino slowly going mad. He ran to the black-and-red Spinwheel.

"12 mice, 16 rabbits, and 23 chaffinches on Black!" He practically screamed, shoving a pile of little gold mice, rabbits, and little birds in the rouge cat running the wheel's paws.

"Yes sir!" The cat meowed. He spun the wheel and Firestar's eyes spun round and round, following the spinning wheel. Finally it stopped.

"And the winner is… Black!" The rouge cat cried.

"Wheeeeeeee!" Firestar yowled. "I w-on! I w-on!" He started doing the Egyptian walk all over the casino. "Uh-huh. I rule. You lose. I'm cool. FIRE!" No one stared at him. Many of them were doing the same thing. Firestar ran back to the Spinwheel owner.

"Gimme my chips!" he yowled and the cat quickly obliged. Firestar grabbed the chips and glanced around wildly, as if someone would take them away from him. He saw the Cha-Ching boxes and rushed over. He pulled the switch and watched the little boxes spin around before his eyes. His eyes glowed. Then the boxes began to stop. The first one stopped. Jackpot! Slowly, the next one stopped. Jackpot! Then the next one slowed, stopped… Jack- "YESSSSSSSSSSSS!" Firestar yowled and he ran to the collecting table.

0.o.0.o.0

Graystripe rushed through the forest as fast as he could. Whitetail was waiting for him at the border, a blanket clutched in her jaws. She grinned as he approached.

"Finally! I thought you had left me!" She pouted. Graystripe frowned.

"Never!" He yowled. She smiled. She held up the blanket but Graystripe shook it away.

"We don't need that." He meowed. Her smile grew wider.

"Shall we?" She asked. Graystripe purred. Two hours of this before he had to go meet Silverstream!

0.o.0.o.0

"So why'd you come back after your dad told you all that stuff?" Ray, the kittypet asked Hollykit. He was stroking her head and she had settled herself in his lap.

"Well…" she began. "He told me some pretty gross stuff that toms do to she-cats. Most of it was just EEEEWWWWWWW. But there was one thing that really had me going for it. So I came back." Ray smiled.

"And what was that?" he asked. Hollykit smiled.

"Don't you know? We've been doing it for an hour."

"Oh. You mean-"

"Shush." Hollykit brushed her tail over his mouth. "Save your breath for other uses." The kittypet purred. And Dustpelt watched in disgust from the bushes, just what happened next.

**Gross huh? I'm not going to tell you what Hollykit was talking about. That secret is MINE! Well… If you review lots and lots I might tell you. Or I might not. Bet as much prey, herbs, and Warrior plushies as you want on what you think will happen! The one who gets it closest gets a free cookie!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know there is no excuse for me not updating but let me say one thing in my defense: I'm FREEZING!!!! MY feet are falling off from frostbite and my nose is all stuffed up and it's RAINING and… Anyway: CHAPTER FOUR!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, you know why the heck would Erin Hunter write Fanfiction? It's a hypothetical question but really, why the heck would she dishonor her characters in a story like this? Just answer me. Would she? (or them)**

Chapter Four

Hollykit dipped her face into the full ice cream container WITHOUT ANY UTENSILS!!!! Ray smiled and did the same thing.

"Oooh." Hollykit moaned. "It's just right Ray." She arched her back to get a better view of the ice cream. Ray purred.

"You know you like it." He whispered. This was too much for Dustpelt. He sprang from the bushes and sprang on Ray.

"WHY YOU $$(&$&&$#$&($." He screamed. "HOW DARE YOU EAT ICE CREAM WITH MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!" He swung around to face Hollykit. "I WARNED YOU!!!" he spat. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW????" Hollykit gulped and shook her head. "WE WILL HAVE ANTS!!!!!!!!" he snarled. Hollykit's mouth dropped open. Just then Sandstorm came barging in.

"ANTS!!!" she screamed. "Where are the ants?! Gimme the ants buster or I'll blow your head off!" She pulled out a machine gun and pointed it at Dustpelt. "WHERE ARE THE ANTS????" she yowled. Then she saw the ice cream. "Ice cream!!!!!" she grabbed the ice cream and left.

"Aw man!" Ray groaned. "That cost all my allowance." Then they all sat around for a bit twiddling their non-existent thumbs.

"And, that's a rap!" the director cried. "Okay, coffee break guys!" Then they all, went off and had coffee.

0.o.0.o.0

Firestar was drunk. He was sleeping on a pile of prey and an empty liquor bottle was in his mouth.

"98 mice on six…" he mumbled. Sandstorm passed by, clutching the ice cream in her paws. She saw him.

"Rum!" she cried happily. She grabbed the rum and tipped it over her mouth. "What!?" she screamed, shaking Firestar awake. "WHY IS THE RUM GONE!!!!" she yowled. He gulped.

"You, uh- I um, when, er, uh…" He mumbled. "Here! Take the keys to my car!" he dropped his keys and ran. Sandstorm picked them up. When she clicked the buttons they lit up.

"Oooh! Pretty colors!" she cried. And she sat there giggling while the rapture came and the car rusted away from non-use and Whitetail had kits and Silverstream died and Ray bought more ice cream and Firestar died and the casino closed down and a mall was built around her. She is still sitting there, in McDonalds, locking and un-locking a car that had long since rusted through.

**Now… Shall that be the end? _Cackles _If you review lots and lots I will continue but you must review first. The en- I won't complete this unless you review. If not... it's bye-bye Hollykit! SO REVIEW!**


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